The plight of the little white spider

So let me tell you all a little story. This may or may not have happened to you before, since many variations of it have happened to me.

So I am in the shower this morning, I've just finished lathering up my hair when I turn and see a little spider on the shower curtain. Now, as I've done so many times before, I freeze. I watch it for about 5 minutes until I feel the water in the bottom of the shower creep up around my ankles (our tub hoards water at the bottom). I think, okay either do something and stop watching the damn spider, or be in the shower until the hot water has run out and the tub is overflowing.

So I cease our western-duel-type standoff to rinse off my hair. Every few minutes I open my eyes and look back to make sure the spider hasn't somehow tricked me into closing my eyes so it can attack. When I'm satisfied that the spider is at the exact same spot it was a moment before, I resume the hair rinsing.

Now at this point you may be thinking "why doesn't she just kill the fucking thing and that would be the end of it?" Well, you see, in the shower, I am naked. I don't like insects touching my naked body so I can't kill it with a body part, and I don't want to hit it with a shampoo bottle because it will either

a die, slide down the shower curtain, fall into the water and swirl around my legs until its corpse drifts onto one of my legs and sticks there
OR
b I miss and it doesn't die but instead becomes angry and formulates a plan of attack

So...I'm done rinsing my hair and am backed into one corner of the shower, trying to squirt conditioner into my palm and stare at the shower curtain at the same time. Now the spider starts to move. It starts moving down and across, towards me. I get angry. Why the fuck would it want to move closer to the water and to the giant scary human? At this point I'm trying to squirt some shower gel and hold a razor at the same time and am having trouble because the damn spider WON'T stop moving. I quickly shave the most important areas, skipping the legs because that would require too much room and thus be way too dangerous. The spider is growing bolder now, flying around on its web string and still crawling down, down the curtain.

Now as it gets closer and closer to its unwitting suicide, I start to feel sad. Any second now it's gonna hit the very bottom of the curtain, get inundated with water, and drown. I quickly push the curtain from the inside of the tub to the outside, hoping the spider will fall on the floor and crawl away somewhere. I don't like doing this too much because sometimes you put the spider somewhere that you can't see it and suddenly it shows up again right over your head or something, but I was almost done anyway.

I finish up and get out, towel off. I look at the bottom of the curtain to see if I can find it, and I see a little grayish ball of mush where the little spider used to be. Well, I tried to save it, I did my best. Angela is basically arachnaphobic so it would have been dead eventually, but at least I tried.