psychological reactions to being cheated on
So today Charcy and I spent a good chunk of our work day discussing the state of affairs with another coworker's relationship with his ummm sorta girlfriend. We shall just call this person Black Toes (haha).
So apparently he and this girl who he's been with for awhile now are having a rocky time. They actually technically aren't even together anymore, however they are sometimes still sleeping together and going on vacations together. He obviously loves her, she is an obvious bitch. He thinks she's sleeping around, but he also thinks he is an overly paranoid/ jealous person so which one is the right answer? Well I won't go into ALL of the details but the way he describes things, it seems as if she really is "cheating" if you could call it that, and even if she isn't, she's way too much of a hassle for him to be worrying himself with.
Charcy was describing an old relationship of hers where her boyfriend was cheating on her and all the stuff he said and did to deny it. This was helping poor Black Toes out and I wish I had more important things to say about his situation (although I tried my best). Nobody has ever cheated on me. Nobody has ever broken up with me for that matter. The closest I've come to being cheated on was when I liked Ben/Travis/whichever other player I've happened to like and I found out they were hooking up with other girls and me at the same time. I wasn't going out exclusively with these guys or anything but I guess that's the closest I can come to knowing anything about this stuff.
So Charcy starts talking about, because all of her boyfriends have cheated on her in the past, how she now tests guys she meets to see if they're going to behave or not. She actually goes so far as to get different girl friends of hers to "run into" the guy out somewhere without Charcy there and see if they can get the guy to slip them his number. If he does, he's out. This shows an extreme lack of trust on her part, but should she have any reason to trust in the first place? So many people cheat nowadays that maybe people should be doing things like this to weed out the unwanted players.
Andrew also has been cheated on in the past, and when I first met him he came at me with 20 questions, really personal questions. He said he asked me certain things and looked for certain things about me and if I said anything to get a bell to go off in his head to signify that I was a bad person he would have never asked me to be his gf. I can see that it's hard for him to trust girls too.
I, on the other hand, tend to trust completely. I still get jealous when he goes to "tutor Christina" and whatnot, but I never think that anything would ever happen. When I met him I trusted he'd be a good person. (not blind trust, not like I just trust anyone I meet, I usually get a feel for them in general THEN I trust them). Maybe I'm naive sometimes, but I don't believe Andrew will cheat on me and I know that my past boyfriends haven't.
It just makes me wonder what all the psychological implications are for a person that gets cheated on. So far I've seen these traits (not all of them in all people):
-inability to trust
-pessimism about long term relationships
-lower self-confidence
-jealousy
-sleeping around-ness
Not that these things are that hard to figure out, I just thought I'd post since all day I've been thinking about this stuff because of Black Toes.
BT if you read this, you are a worthwhile person, you have a lot to offer and you WILL find someone who shares your values. You don't need that bitch anymore, because she only serves to make your life worse. The past is the past, you'll always have great memories with her, but at a certain point, whether you know she's cheating or not, you have to move on.
**I realize that I have perpetuated the whole cheating business before but the past is the past and I'm in a totally different place now.**
So apparently he and this girl who he's been with for awhile now are having a rocky time. They actually technically aren't even together anymore, however they are sometimes still sleeping together and going on vacations together. He obviously loves her, she is an obvious bitch. He thinks she's sleeping around, but he also thinks he is an overly paranoid/ jealous person so which one is the right answer? Well I won't go into ALL of the details but the way he describes things, it seems as if she really is "cheating" if you could call it that, and even if she isn't, she's way too much of a hassle for him to be worrying himself with.
Charcy was describing an old relationship of hers where her boyfriend was cheating on her and all the stuff he said and did to deny it. This was helping poor Black Toes out and I wish I had more important things to say about his situation (although I tried my best). Nobody has ever cheated on me. Nobody has ever broken up with me for that matter. The closest I've come to being cheated on was when I liked Ben/Travis/whichever other player I've happened to like and I found out they were hooking up with other girls and me at the same time. I wasn't going out exclusively with these guys or anything but I guess that's the closest I can come to knowing anything about this stuff.
So Charcy starts talking about, because all of her boyfriends have cheated on her in the past, how she now tests guys she meets to see if they're going to behave or not. She actually goes so far as to get different girl friends of hers to "run into" the guy out somewhere without Charcy there and see if they can get the guy to slip them his number. If he does, he's out. This shows an extreme lack of trust on her part, but should she have any reason to trust in the first place? So many people cheat nowadays that maybe people should be doing things like this to weed out the unwanted players.
Andrew also has been cheated on in the past, and when I first met him he came at me with 20 questions, really personal questions. He said he asked me certain things and looked for certain things about me and if I said anything to get a bell to go off in his head to signify that I was a bad person he would have never asked me to be his gf. I can see that it's hard for him to trust girls too.
I, on the other hand, tend to trust completely. I still get jealous when he goes to "tutor Christina" and whatnot, but I never think that anything would ever happen. When I met him I trusted he'd be a good person. (not blind trust, not like I just trust anyone I meet, I usually get a feel for them in general THEN I trust them). Maybe I'm naive sometimes, but I don't believe Andrew will cheat on me and I know that my past boyfriends haven't.
It just makes me wonder what all the psychological implications are for a person that gets cheated on. So far I've seen these traits (not all of them in all people):
-inability to trust
-pessimism about long term relationships
-lower self-confidence
-jealousy
-sleeping around-ness
Not that these things are that hard to figure out, I just thought I'd post since all day I've been thinking about this stuff because of Black Toes.
BT if you read this, you are a worthwhile person, you have a lot to offer and you WILL find someone who shares your values. You don't need that bitch anymore, because she only serves to make your life worse. The past is the past, you'll always have great memories with her, but at a certain point, whether you know she's cheating or not, you have to move on.
**I realize that I have perpetuated the whole cheating business before but the past is the past and I'm in a totally different place now.**
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