Another fucked up entry...watch out
I feel like this will be another entry like my Fight Club blathering from before. Maybe because I'm overtired and my thoughts are just spilling out randomly, and maybe just because I'm just in one of those moods, but this will be one of those kind of bloggings.
First of all.....I had an awesome party last night, and will tell about it later when I can actually function properly.
Secondly, I watched Secretary again tonight. Such a hot little number that film is, I love it. I made Adam watch it and he was just like "this is such a strange movie" which it IS but it makes me think....am I the only one that appreciates things that are out of the ordinary? It's not like I'd do the S&M stuff that's in that film or anything, and I'm not really even into that, but I think it's kind of romantic that a sadist and a masochist can find love together....especially when one of them is the sexily voiced James Spader. I really think that anything different from what I ordinarily experience in my life is so interesting.
So I was thinking today as I sat around chatting with my roommates and Doug (for the last time *tear*)....I think everyone has their own insecurities. Some people cover them by being assholes to others (I was also discussing this issue with a certain person who does that very thing) and some people cover them by hiding their personal lives so nobody could ever have a chance to get close to them and possibly hurt them. I think there are many different ways that one can compensate for insecurities, but I swear I have the strangest way of all, and I can't seem to stop, even though it's annoying everyone, even me. I've gotten into this habit of talking about guys and guys liking me and how many of them like me and blah blah. I did not have this problem with Pat, obviously, because I didn't care. Now that I'm not with him it's coming out, and now that I'm into someone that does not give a shit about me, it's even worse. So apparently I cover my insecurites by having a huge ego problem....great. It's not like I make anything up (I try to lie as infrequently as possible, I hate lying) but most people don't go into a room with a bunch of other people in it and say "all of the guys in here had a crush on me at one point in time" and then confirm that fact with all of the guys in there. Granted I was drunk when that occurred, but seriously, I need to stop.
I guess I picked the right major.....I psychoanalyze way too frequently. Actually I'm not sure if I really did pick the right major, my big boss Michael keeps talking about following a star and having a love for some specific thing....I have a love for psychology but it's pretty much a platonic love. I am in love with film. But what can I really do with film and how will I ever actually get a job? Should I go for my dreams and possibly get shot down or go with the safe bet that will get me money and show off my smarts.....questions for the ages. I watched ChungKing Express pretty much as soon as I got it, and it's such a great film that I would never have known about if it wasn't for my Hong Kong Cinema class. So I emailed my professor out of the blue about 4 days ago and told him how much I appreciated the class and the films in it. I was worried that I would sound like an idiot, but he sent me a really awesome email back about how much he appreciated my email. I mean, I never experienced that kind of love for a psyc class. Well I am planning on moving to LA, so I'll be right in the middle of all the movie action and I'll see if I still like it then.
As I mentioned earlier, Doug stopped by tonight. He was picking up a cd, but he was also saying goodbye. He's moving in about a week and I really won't see him until probably October. I won't talk about him moving all over again like I do all the time, but this time it was a for real goodbye, and I really can't handle it. I fucking hate Nebraska. Oh another sad thing, my cousin's baby just died yesterday. His name was Sebastian and he was 2 months old. He was born a premie and was so tiny even last week when I saw him. Poor thing, I wish people in my family would stop dying.
Ahh shit I've gotten about 14 hours of sleep in the past 3 days so I'm about to die, but tomorrow I'll continue with the interesting events in my life, and oh there are many from this weekend.
First of all.....I had an awesome party last night, and will tell about it later when I can actually function properly.
Secondly, I watched Secretary again tonight. Such a hot little number that film is, I love it. I made Adam watch it and he was just like "this is such a strange movie" which it IS but it makes me think....am I the only one that appreciates things that are out of the ordinary? It's not like I'd do the S&M stuff that's in that film or anything, and I'm not really even into that, but I think it's kind of romantic that a sadist and a masochist can find love together....especially when one of them is the sexily voiced James Spader. I really think that anything different from what I ordinarily experience in my life is so interesting.
So I was thinking today as I sat around chatting with my roommates and Doug (for the last time *tear*)....I think everyone has their own insecurities. Some people cover them by being assholes to others (I was also discussing this issue with a certain person who does that very thing) and some people cover them by hiding their personal lives so nobody could ever have a chance to get close to them and possibly hurt them. I think there are many different ways that one can compensate for insecurities, but I swear I have the strangest way of all, and I can't seem to stop, even though it's annoying everyone, even me. I've gotten into this habit of talking about guys and guys liking me and how many of them like me and blah blah. I did not have this problem with Pat, obviously, because I didn't care. Now that I'm not with him it's coming out, and now that I'm into someone that does not give a shit about me, it's even worse. So apparently I cover my insecurites by having a huge ego problem....great. It's not like I make anything up (I try to lie as infrequently as possible, I hate lying) but most people don't go into a room with a bunch of other people in it and say "all of the guys in here had a crush on me at one point in time" and then confirm that fact with all of the guys in there. Granted I was drunk when that occurred, but seriously, I need to stop.
I guess I picked the right major.....I psychoanalyze way too frequently. Actually I'm not sure if I really did pick the right major, my big boss Michael keeps talking about following a star and having a love for some specific thing....I have a love for psychology but it's pretty much a platonic love. I am in love with film. But what can I really do with film and how will I ever actually get a job? Should I go for my dreams and possibly get shot down or go with the safe bet that will get me money and show off my smarts.....questions for the ages. I watched ChungKing Express pretty much as soon as I got it, and it's such a great film that I would never have known about if it wasn't for my Hong Kong Cinema class. So I emailed my professor out of the blue about 4 days ago and told him how much I appreciated the class and the films in it. I was worried that I would sound like an idiot, but he sent me a really awesome email back about how much he appreciated my email. I mean, I never experienced that kind of love for a psyc class. Well I am planning on moving to LA, so I'll be right in the middle of all the movie action and I'll see if I still like it then.
As I mentioned earlier, Doug stopped by tonight. He was picking up a cd, but he was also saying goodbye. He's moving in about a week and I really won't see him until probably October. I won't talk about him moving all over again like I do all the time, but this time it was a for real goodbye, and I really can't handle it. I fucking hate Nebraska. Oh another sad thing, my cousin's baby just died yesterday. His name was Sebastian and he was 2 months old. He was born a premie and was so tiny even last week when I saw him. Poor thing, I wish people in my family would stop dying.
Ahh shit I've gotten about 14 hours of sleep in the past 3 days so I'm about to die, but tomorrow I'll continue with the interesting events in my life, and oh there are many from this weekend.
Comments
so, to be rude, YES ERICA, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO APPRECIATES THINGS THAT ARE OUT OF THE ORDINARY. NO ONE BUT YOU. =)
I like things that are out of the ordinary. You can tell because I like you.
-E