All I Want is Food and Creative Love

Well my parents have successfully put me in a bad mood. I used to love spending time at my house, when I'd come home from college and whatnot. Now I hate staying there for too long.

Back in December I found out that my mom did something really bad, unforgiveable, and my dad now wants out of the marriage. Slowly more and more people are finding out about this, it's basically public knowledge, so I don't feel too strange posting it. I understand that people aren't perfect and I also understand that people can't forgive everything that happens. So I still speak equally to my mom and dad and it's fine when we aren't discussing the issues at hand.

However, my dad ALWAYS wants to discuss the issues at hand. Everytime he gets me alone he starts talking to me like we're best friends and he needs to get all his secrets out before time runs out. So I'm stuck just listening to him, because I know he doesn't have many people to talk to about this, and I'm thinking that it has to be some kind of karma for me never wanting to talk to my dad about anything private in my life.

I'm a person who likes to live in denial about bad things. My dad doesn't let me do that, ever, and it puts me into a bad mood to think that my "perfect" family is going to have to undergo some giant changes. I'm sure the house will have to go, where will my brothers live, who is my dad's new girlfriend, etc. I don't want to think about that shit but I have to and it sucks.

I'm close with my mom, I tell her just about everything that I think she can tolerate (my Catholic mother has delved into religion to wash away her sins so she gets conservative on me sometimes), but I haven't said a thing about their impending implosion. I think she would be embarrassed at what she did and somehow our relationship will change. I know that eventually we'll have to acknowledge things that are going on, but since she's letting me live in my denial with her, I will. And I will be happy to do it.

I'm just so glad this happened when I was out of the house and living in a different city. Now I want to be even further away so I have an excuse to not go home often. And that makes me feel like crap. *Sigh*

Blah.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Ironically, it isn't karma over your DENIAL, but rather your DENTAL. If only you had had better dental hygiene, Erica... things could have been so much better...

:-P

I love you babe, and I'm here for you!
12:48 AM, June 21, 2006
Sophia said…
Oh, Erica, you hate dealing with unpleasantness so much. Maybe you should take down your, "everything is really, really great!" facade and talk to your parents.
Things are not really, really great always and you never want to confront your feelings about anything. Hmmm, somehow I feel like I have said this before...?
6:13 AM, June 24, 2006
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