It's story time!
Before I get into the weekend fesitivies (which I'm actually gonna put in a different blog entry), never has a book made me laugh out loud so much as any David Sedaris book. If you want to laugh, pick one up. For example, this excerpt is from "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim"
Unlike the jolly, obese American Santa, Saint Nicholas is painfully thin and dresses not unlike the pope, topping his robes with a tall hat resembling an embroidered tea cozy. The outfit, I was told, is a carryover from his former career, when he served as the bishop of Turkey. One doesn't want to be too much of a cultural chauvinist, but this seemed completely wrong to me. For starters, Santa didn't used to do anything. He's not retired and, more important, he has nothing to do with Turkey. It's too dangerous there, and the people wouldn't appreciate him. When asked how he got from Turkey to the North Pole, Oscar told me with complete conviction that Saint Nicholas currently resides in Spain, which again simply is not true.
Saint Nicholas also travels with what was consistently described as "six to eight black men." I asked several Dutch people to narrow it down, but none of them could give me an exact number. It was always "six to eight", which seems strange, seeing as they've had hundreds of years to get an accurate head count.
In the early years if a child was naughty, Saint Nicholas and the six to eight black men would beat him with what Oscar described as "the small branch of a tree." "They'd kick him and beat him with a switch. Then if the youngster was really bad, they'd put him a sack and take him back to Spain."
A Dutch parent has a decidedly hairier tale to tell then an American, telling his children, "Listen, you might want to pack a few of your things together before going to bed. The former bishop of Turkey will be coming tonight along with six to eight black men. They might put some candy in your shoes, they might stuff you into a sack and take you to Spain, or they might just kick you. We don't know for sure, but we want you to be prepared."
Unlike the jolly, obese American Santa, Saint Nicholas is painfully thin and dresses not unlike the pope, topping his robes with a tall hat resembling an embroidered tea cozy. The outfit, I was told, is a carryover from his former career, when he served as the bishop of Turkey. One doesn't want to be too much of a cultural chauvinist, but this seemed completely wrong to me. For starters, Santa didn't used to do anything. He's not retired and, more important, he has nothing to do with Turkey. It's too dangerous there, and the people wouldn't appreciate him. When asked how he got from Turkey to the North Pole, Oscar told me with complete conviction that Saint Nicholas currently resides in Spain, which again simply is not true.
Saint Nicholas also travels with what was consistently described as "six to eight black men." I asked several Dutch people to narrow it down, but none of them could give me an exact number. It was always "six to eight", which seems strange, seeing as they've had hundreds of years to get an accurate head count.
In the early years if a child was naughty, Saint Nicholas and the six to eight black men would beat him with what Oscar described as "the small branch of a tree." "They'd kick him and beat him with a switch. Then if the youngster was really bad, they'd put him a sack and take him back to Spain."
A Dutch parent has a decidedly hairier tale to tell then an American, telling his children, "Listen, you might want to pack a few of your things together before going to bed. The former bishop of Turkey will be coming tonight along with six to eight black men. They might put some candy in your shoes, they might stuff you into a sack and take you to Spain, or they might just kick you. We don't know for sure, but we want you to be prepared."
SO FUNNY. Maybe it has to be in the context of the book but it makes me crack up every time.
I'm done now.
Comments