Life...or something like it
"Have you ever thought about all of the choices that you have made that got you to the point you are at right now? Just worked your way back through your day, the week, the month, the year, your life? Pulling out those big decisions, those careless mistakes, those acts of charity that changed you. That time you got in trouble, that time you didn't get caught. That time you got angry, that time you cried, that time you spoke up, that time you kept quiet. That time you realized. That time you fell in love."
"We all make choices in our life. Some of us like to put probability into how we choose. Some work out the actual chance and some just say everything is 50/50. Some of us believe in destiny. Some of us believe in free will. Everyone has their beliefs about what happens to them in their life. But we only learn half of the time and regret the other half."
These aren't my words, but I read them in a livejournal I frequent and thought it was a good way of putting things that I've been thinking about. I always think back to high school, when a person really starts making important decisions on their own. What if I went to Naz instead of Geneseo like I was seriously contemplating? I wouldn't have had the longest relationship of my life, I wouldn't have met soooo many amazing people, I wouldn't have moved to Rochester (well probably not), I wouldn't be at the Sleep Lab, I wouldn't have met Adam who in turn introduced me to Ben who in turn introduced me to myspace where I met Andrew. I'm not trying to say that the whole point of my existence culminates in him, it's just that this is where I am at this point in my life. I'm sure in 10 years I'll be thinking back to the decisions I made that got me to the career I'll have, being married, having children, and whatever else comes along. It's just really interesting to think about.
There are a few decisions in my life that I know I made for important reasons that I wouldn't realize til later. Choosing a college was one. Applying for my internship at the Sleep Lab was another. Being bored one night and attempting to strike up conversation with a guy I didn't know was another. I don't really know why I'm thinking about this so much lately, but I am. I think it is because my life is in a period of uncertainty. I've graduated, my job is boring half the time so I don't want to be here forever, I am moving to California at some point, etc. Maybe if I believe that my life is changing for important reasons I will be better able to deal with change. I never deal with change so well at first, but after I get time to adjust I am usually okay. (ex: practically crying every day once Geneseo went back into session...now I'm fine with it) Or maybe it's a kind of cushion to think that my life is being guided to a good place. All I know is I like to live without regret. If something shitty does happen, it's to make me stronger or help me to learn, and I'll get to where I'm supposed to be eventually.
And this brings me to another point of discussion...how people handle life. I am going to tell two stories, names have been changed to protect the innocent...
Story #1: There once was a boy named George. He grew up with his parents and brother and they all loved each other. He had a few close friends in high school, not too many. He went to college and made more friends. He had a good time in college, graduated, and moved into the city. Most of his friends had moved away and he now had to work at his dead end job all the time to make the little money he needed to get by. He attempted to get jobs where he could use his degree, but it just didn't seem to work out. He started graduate work, and realized it was very difficult. Now he is highly depressed. He has never experienced love, even though he is deserving of it. He has no time or means by which to have a social life, his school work is proving to be annoying and hard, and he recently had a run in with the police that should NOT have happened. He currently has no hope for life, but can't see a way out.
Story #2: There was also once a girl named Laverne. She grew up with siblings, half siblings, and a mother. She never knew her father. When she was 17 she was raped by a friend and had a child. She had been a virgin. She raised this child, graduated from high school, and met a wonderful man, whom she married. She attempted to have more children, and succeeded in two out of three pregnancies, losing one child in the process. Shortly after her youngest was born, she found out her husband had a rare brain disease which left him extremely debilitated. He attempted treatment, but died shortly after being diagnosed. He was alone with his two tiny children at the time. She picked herself up after about 6 months and returned to her job, which she got laid off of on her second day back. Still undeterred, she found a new job to which she is at to this day. She has no benefits for her three children, and no partner to help her take care of them. Yet she goes into work every day cheerful. Though it is obvious she is hurting, she never lets people feel sorry for her.
Some people let life control them, some people control life. You're never going to reach happiness if you don't treat life like a game. I don't know why we're here, but we might as well have fun as long as we are here. If something embarrassing happens, or something tragic, it sucks, but you learn about how fucked up life can be. What do you get if you are scared of living? Nothing. Life, other people, your job, everything else will dictate what you do and who you are. Only you should do that. People that tend to feel the sorriest for themselves tend to be the ones who don't really have it that hard, but they are frozen in their lives, afraid. Go experience life, learn all you can because we aren't here forever. What have you got to lose?
To the people that are wondering where this all came from, I can't really explain it but to certain ones who read this, it will make sense. And if you are one of these people, you know I don't mean to be harsh and I love you. Bueno suerte.
"We all make choices in our life. Some of us like to put probability into how we choose. Some work out the actual chance and some just say everything is 50/50. Some of us believe in destiny. Some of us believe in free will. Everyone has their beliefs about what happens to them in their life. But we only learn half of the time and regret the other half."
These aren't my words, but I read them in a livejournal I frequent and thought it was a good way of putting things that I've been thinking about. I always think back to high school, when a person really starts making important decisions on their own. What if I went to Naz instead of Geneseo like I was seriously contemplating? I wouldn't have had the longest relationship of my life, I wouldn't have met soooo many amazing people, I wouldn't have moved to Rochester (well probably not), I wouldn't be at the Sleep Lab, I wouldn't have met Adam who in turn introduced me to Ben who in turn introduced me to myspace where I met Andrew. I'm not trying to say that the whole point of my existence culminates in him, it's just that this is where I am at this point in my life. I'm sure in 10 years I'll be thinking back to the decisions I made that got me to the career I'll have, being married, having children, and whatever else comes along. It's just really interesting to think about.
There are a few decisions in my life that I know I made for important reasons that I wouldn't realize til later. Choosing a college was one. Applying for my internship at the Sleep Lab was another. Being bored one night and attempting to strike up conversation with a guy I didn't know was another. I don't really know why I'm thinking about this so much lately, but I am. I think it is because my life is in a period of uncertainty. I've graduated, my job is boring half the time so I don't want to be here forever, I am moving to California at some point, etc. Maybe if I believe that my life is changing for important reasons I will be better able to deal with change. I never deal with change so well at first, but after I get time to adjust I am usually okay. (ex: practically crying every day once Geneseo went back into session...now I'm fine with it) Or maybe it's a kind of cushion to think that my life is being guided to a good place. All I know is I like to live without regret. If something shitty does happen, it's to make me stronger or help me to learn, and I'll get to where I'm supposed to be eventually.
And this brings me to another point of discussion...how people handle life. I am going to tell two stories, names have been changed to protect the innocent...
Story #1: There once was a boy named George. He grew up with his parents and brother and they all loved each other. He had a few close friends in high school, not too many. He went to college and made more friends. He had a good time in college, graduated, and moved into the city. Most of his friends had moved away and he now had to work at his dead end job all the time to make the little money he needed to get by. He attempted to get jobs where he could use his degree, but it just didn't seem to work out. He started graduate work, and realized it was very difficult. Now he is highly depressed. He has never experienced love, even though he is deserving of it. He has no time or means by which to have a social life, his school work is proving to be annoying and hard, and he recently had a run in with the police that should NOT have happened. He currently has no hope for life, but can't see a way out.
Story #2: There was also once a girl named Laverne. She grew up with siblings, half siblings, and a mother. She never knew her father. When she was 17 she was raped by a friend and had a child. She had been a virgin. She raised this child, graduated from high school, and met a wonderful man, whom she married. She attempted to have more children, and succeeded in two out of three pregnancies, losing one child in the process. Shortly after her youngest was born, she found out her husband had a rare brain disease which left him extremely debilitated. He attempted treatment, but died shortly after being diagnosed. He was alone with his two tiny children at the time. She picked herself up after about 6 months and returned to her job, which she got laid off of on her second day back. Still undeterred, she found a new job to which she is at to this day. She has no benefits for her three children, and no partner to help her take care of them. Yet she goes into work every day cheerful. Though it is obvious she is hurting, she never lets people feel sorry for her.
Some people let life control them, some people control life. You're never going to reach happiness if you don't treat life like a game. I don't know why we're here, but we might as well have fun as long as we are here. If something embarrassing happens, or something tragic, it sucks, but you learn about how fucked up life can be. What do you get if you are scared of living? Nothing. Life, other people, your job, everything else will dictate what you do and who you are. Only you should do that. People that tend to feel the sorriest for themselves tend to be the ones who don't really have it that hard, but they are frozen in their lives, afraid. Go experience life, learn all you can because we aren't here forever. What have you got to lose?
To the people that are wondering where this all came from, I can't really explain it but to certain ones who read this, it will make sense. And if you are one of these people, you know I don't mean to be harsh and I love you. Bueno suerte.
Comments