I Love You

I love you, readers.

Actually I probably don't love some of you, because I don't know you! But I'm attempting to say that phrase more so I thought I would start here.

Here is the deal. I had been working with wonderful people named Annie and Alfred, and we became friends. We really liked working together, and we did a kick ass job. And I got to learn a lot about South East Asian customs! (Annie = Bangladesh, Alfred = Pakistan) But our supervisor has temporarily shifted my schedule to the weekends, so I'll be working with other people. That's fine, I like working with those people also, but they're not my close buddies.

The thing about the people down here is that they say what they mean and what they feel (most of them at least). Whenever we couldn't work together, Annie and Alfred would text me and tell me that they missed me and that they love working with me. This morning Annie said again to my face that she was gonna miss me. This is completely unlike my lab in Rochester, where I had so much fun with my coworkers, but we never talked about our feelings towards one another.

I just think it's so funny that in the supposed rudest city in the world, the people are actually quite refreshing. I like hearing what people think, straight up. Since I come from upstate, I am not like them. I try to say that I will miss them too or I love working with them (which I do!!) but it's extremely hard for me. I have this thing in the back of my head always wondering if it's just a ruse to get me to say things that I feel and then I'll get made fun of.

So I was thinking about this on my walk home from work this morning. And I was thinking that the phrase "I love you" is extremely hard for me to say (Mike if you comment on this I will kill you). There was a time when I didn't say it to my parents when I was young, because I was embarrassed. I got over that, but I never said it to my two little brothers, whom I love completely and dearly, until....May of this year. I couldn't get the words out, it felt weird. But since I was moving to a whole new city, I decided i would finally say it to them. Now I've said it a few times to my brothers, but it's still so hard. I think it's something I have to get over. There are a select few I can say it to without hesitation, like my parents/grandparents, Mike, Joe, Lauren, and Sue. Everyone else gets left out in the cold.

So, I won't harp on this more because I need to shower before work, but if you are reading this and you are a dear friend of mine, you probably know it. I have a lot of friends but the ones who are closest to me know how important they are. They probably have never heard that I love them, but I do. And I miss them too.

Comments

Anonymous said…
i was thinking about this earlier today as well, but not exactly in the same manner. when dooie's friends came over last night, they shook my hand, while his boyfriend hugged me hello. when everyone left at the end of the night, they hugged me, although we had just met hours previously. it's... completely refreshing. it's so personal and makes me feel welcome. i feel like, in geneva, i never hugged any of my friends when i saw them. i never expected the warmth i feel here so soon.
Sophia said…
I love you, Erica.

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